When conflict is seen as tool to move you toward a resolution and bring you together, however, it becomes something not to run away from but something to embrace for the betterment of your relationship.When both partners realize the connection between problem-solving and love and acceptance, fighting becomes an opportunity to strengthen a union between two people.In the heat of an argument it’s easy to succumb to fighting dirty to “win,” especially when you might feel you’re not being heard, but you could be damaging your relationship.By learning how to fight fairly, conflict can become a tool for deepening the bonds you share. It is a popular myth that the goal of a perfect relationship is to be conflict free.Lisa Diamond's research associate keeps her voice deliberately neutral as she talks through a microphone to a couple in the next room.The man, Tim, slumped on a couch, and the woman, Stacey, sitting upright on a wing chair, have been wired with monitors that measure their heart rate and respiration, as well as the flow of electrical currents across their skin—all of which are indicators of nervous system activity.The best dating tip we could give Christian singles is learning how to argue and fight.
Here are a few ways to deal with the aftermath of one drunken fight: Don't put too much weight in your fragmented memory or subtle clues when piecing together what happened, Wilson says.
Diamond is trying to quantify the role the body and nervous system play in relationships and conflict.
In the process, she's uncovering lessons—some practical, some poetic—about how small gestures can lessen the damage of big arguments, and about how even a minor reconsideration of what's really happening between you can tamp down, metaphorically and physiologically, all that furious heat.
Many blowout fights have stemmed from Tequila Katie doing something dark — like sending angry texts to her then-fiancé or rubbing frosting in her frenemy's face — while she was lit up from drinking tequila. "When a lot of alcohol is consumed, your brain is flooded with dopamine, which is a neurotransmitter that helps regulate our emotional response," says Kristin Wilson, a licensed professional counselor and National Director of Clinical Outreach at Newport Academy, a teen treatment center.
And if there's too much dopamine, your stress, fear, and anxiety responses become blocked and you do whatever you damn want, like get into fights with your loved ones.
You'll have four minutes." "Um—" Tim says, by way of starting. (That part is almost comically easy: Just ask each half of the pair to write down a gripe against the other.) The tougher part is getting the couples to stop squabbling after the researchers have gathered their data.