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As one of my black female friends put it, "Asian men, along with black women, are probably the least desirable people." conducted by researchers at Columbia University, which surveyed a group of over 400 students who participated orchestrated "speed dating" sessions, showed that African-American and white women said "yes" 65% less often to the prospect of dating Asian men in comparison of men of their own race, while Hispanic women said yes 50% less frequently.
For some, the anxiety over being an Asian male that I once harbored can seem like an overreaction.
"For me, there is no pressure [in asking a non-Asian woman out]," said my friend Anthony Ma, whose ex-girlfriend was Mexican.
Though Asian-Americans still "Women think we have a masculinity that's maligned and marginalized," said my friend Jubin Kwon, a Korean-American who grew up in the predominantly white town of Lexington, Mass.
"There's also this idea of relative invisibility, but that applies to all Asian-Americans."Given the constant stereotyping Asian-American men face in the media, Asian-American men approaching non-Asian women often either feel an unnecessary burden to prove themselves against Asian stereotypes or keep to themselves in fear of rejection.
The agonizing paralysis of self-doubt is well captured by John Shim, who wrote a Growing up, I felt the same way.